Update: First Encounter

Update! I have seen A twice since he got back to the states *tears*. So much has happened and I honestly am so happy and feeling so much light and love in my life. Here is how the first trip went:

So, I got  on a plane. Let me tell you, I love flying, but flying and also suffering from chronic pain issues, is not the best situation. Oh well, I survived. When I got to NC, I ran to the nearest bathroom because I wanted to freshen up and make sure my hair was as wild and big as can be. I was so nervous that I had to pee like 2 times. I also wanted there to be some suspense for him. So I made him wait a little while all the other people went to baggage claim I was in the bathroom giving myself  a pep talk and high five in the mirror (I plot).

I found the stairs and I remember feeling weak in my legs and I thought: is this the fibromyalgia or my love for A!? Then I saw his face...I ran to him and he hugged me so tight. It was honestly as if the last two years were not spent physically apart. I cried, and he pretended not to. He grabbed my hand and off we went. 

For the record, NC is fucking beautiful. I love home, but my God there are trees and greenery everywhere! It was humid but not like Oklahoma humid. I dig it. 

A and I slipped right back into what we had always been; best friends. We laughed, we shared music with each other, we reunited in all the best ways possible. He took me to the zoo, he knows me. Here are some pics....

Family Day.

So... where did I leave off? Oh yes... I boarded a plane. Man I really dropped the ball on keeping this thing  updated. My father took me to the airport and I was all kinds of emotional. I was emotional because I knew my dad was feeling emotional too. His "little" girl was getting on a plane to see a boy in another state [unsupervised]haha. But I think what was really causing emotion for him was the fact that this all brought back memories to when he was in the Army. My mom and dad built there marriage while my father was away training and through his deployment to Vietnam (he was gone about 2 years. I think my dad was worried that I might not be able to handle the distance, the heartache, or the struggles of this life. But, he comforted me and waited with me at the gate and watched me board the plane as I set off to figure out my future with A. 

This flight experience was fun, and exciting. But by the time I got to Oklahoma, I was tired, starving and not feeling 100%. Luckily on the flight I met a very nice lady who was going to watch her son graduate the same day. She was also flying solo and staying at the same hotel! Thank goodness for the both of us because, let me tell you, showing up to the hotel in Lawton Oklahoma at night was like a scene from a horror movie. We were able to spend the evening together and get dinner, which was nice because neither of us rented a car (the taxi drivers added to the horror flick fears, except for one very nice vet that drove me around couple times). So we stretched our legs and walked a few blocks to go eat. 

The next day was hotter than hell family day! I got up early did my make-up all pretty and my hair nice and bouncy....then I walked outside and my make up melted and my hair looked like it had never dried (frizz city). I remember being so sad because it was too hot to look any kind of pretty that day...and all I wanted was to look nice. Off to post we go. (Side note, his basic was at the same place my dad had his basic training, Fort Sill). 

So here I am in the direct sunlight watching all these new soldiers demonstrate things they had learned. and I was trying to find A in the crowd but I couldn't. At this point, I had tied my maxi dress up a little at the bottom so I could feel some sort of draft on my legs. The demos were finally over and now it was time to find A. I stood there panicked and lost for about 15 min. I lost my new friend I had made on the flight and I could not find A. Then, I suddenly felt someone crash into me and whisper the words, "It feels so good to see you". He had approached me and grabbed me so fast that I didn't even get a chance to see him. But, he finally let me go and I did finally see him, I saw my best friend and most precious love. And about an hour later I started feeling really sick. To be continued... 

{currently} So I disappeared....

I wrote a blog post and it disappeared before I could share it. Which is funny becasue that is exactly what I did. So now I'm annoyed because I don't want to rewrite what I had. Major points in 3, 2, 1....

A lot has happened

A lot of good

I started grad school

A is and has been back in AMERICA (bless!) 

We saw each other, it was pure magic (tears) 

I started Grad school (double bless!) 

I'm on disability (better than I thought it would be) 

This project went on the back burner for a few reasons, but I am back in action. So much to update and such a lovely story to continue sharing. To be continued.....

{Currently}

It is currently Wednesday for me and Thursday for A. He is on a training mission right now and will not be back till the end of the week, which isn't far away. However, he is in another country from where he has his cell phone provider and therefore, he has no service. Annoying, but we (I) will live.

(He texted me earlier saying that he turned his roaming on to talk to me, but that it was going to charge him a ridiculous amount. So, since I am a crazy texter, I told him I appreciated the gesture but TURN IT OFF!!! See that, financial responsibility and the prevention of a high cell phone bill because, I am a crazy texter) 

Currently, we are okay. I have been on edge the past few days so I was/am hoping the few days without talking will help. 

Currently, I am frustrated. As I mentioned, I have been on edge, especially this past week. If there is any little disagreement between A. and I, my mind runs through its filing cabinet of every fight, every mistake and every hurtful thing that happened this past year. Then I take all that filed away information and review it for the purpose of getting myself even more mad, because that is what people, who are crazy texters, do. This past year was the hardest for us and a lot of it still hurts. I am working on not holding grudges and he is working on being patient. 

Currently, he is still waiting for orders. No fly date yet. Therefore, no definitive plans for me to go see him yet. Therefore, hurry up and wait. Therefore: sad face :(

Currently, I am exhausted, and so broke form school. BUT, I LOVE it. I look forward to my career every single day. I love life, man.

XoXo,

VS

Love letters

Here is a sweet flashback to a love letter written to me from A. before... waaaaay before BCT. It's adorable-silly to read now, but still special. 

Basic Combat Training/ MILSO Training, Continued

So, as BCT slowly, s l o w l y crept by, I realized I was also going through a sort of Basic Combat Training myself. I realized that as A. changed, so much about myself was changing as well. I learned how to be patient, I learned how to be even more independent while at the same time I learned how to show A. that I  was dependent on him when he needed to feel that, I learned to be more gentle (yea, I could be an ice queen sometimes-that has changed drastically), I learned what distance was, I learned to value time, and I learned that this whole MILSO thing was going to be tough-especially since I have always been very independent and that independence sparked fear in A. and made him feel that I would run for the hills during all of this distance.

So, I swallowed my pride and I accepted that if A. was going to change, then I needed to put in effort to compliment those changes. I could no longer have an attitude towards him because I was mad about something that happened a year, a month, a day ago. I needed to work through issues like an [adult] and communicate like an [adult], so I tried, we tried, and for a while it worked.

I think one of the biggest lessons out of all of this was the fact that I really learned how valuable time was. We had limited time on the phone to communicate, so I needed to bite my tongue and listen to A. I mean honestly, the last thing he wanted to hear about during his 5 minute phone call was gossip or what I ate for lunch. I made time for love, affection, listening and understanding in those precious 5 minutes that we had on the phone every Sunday.

This time apart was hard, and at the same time a HUGE blessing. I began to appreciate him again, and he began to appreciate me. We kind of grew up, but we did not grow apart.

As graduation approached and A. had more time to call, we made plans to buy a plane ticket so I could go to his graduation & family day. His family wasn't going because, well, they didn't care or didn't plan to have the money for it. All I will say about that group of people is that they are not ideal family members. My parents weren't able to go because they had something else going on, and my father ended up getting really sick, more on that later.

So I was sad for A., that it would only be me there to watch him graduate, but he reassured me that it was perfect. He was anxious to spend time with me alone. So there I was, young (23), hopeful and madly in love, about to board an airplane for the first time in my life...ALL ALONE.

Basic Combat Training/ MILSO Training

So, where did I leave off? Oh yes, Basic, and me waiting. While A. was away at BCT and without phone privileges the letters began to pour in. I opened every single one with major excitement. I read them over and over, and I cried and I felt love, that same deep love I felt when we first met. I sent him a letter every singe day as soon as I got his address. Communicating in this manner was the best thing for us. We were forced to pay attention to each others words and feelings, in order to reply to everything in a response letter. It helped us be more attentive to each other, as I'm sure many of you understand or have experienced. 

One day I opened a letter and it started with something like, "What is happening to us?..". My heart sank and I read on. A. began to ask repeatedly, "Why have you not written me back?". UMMMMM WHAT!?? I had sent a letter off almost every single day. Turns out the Drill Sgt's like to make the guys worry a bit and hold onto the letters for the first week or two before distributing them. Not funny at the time, but looking back, it is kind of funny. 

So, I diligently took to my pen and  paper and I began to write the longest most reassuring letter I possibly could. Then that following Sunday, he was able to make his first phone call. He immediately asked me if everything was ok. I reassured him that all was okay and that he would soon receive all my letters. And, he did. After that week we talked every Sunday, and I could hear the change in him. He was looking at life differently and I was so grateful! 

Graduation was approaching and it was time to start making travel plans. I had not seen A in almost 9 weeks, the longest I went without seeing him since the day we officially met. I was excited, I was anxious, I was starry-eyed and in love. We were so ready to make this relationship a real relationship again...