{Currently} Red, White & Birthday!

Well, the holiday weekend is over and I hope you all had a wonderful time with family and friends. 

The Fourth of July happens to be one of my favorite holidays, and it also happens to be A's birthday! I was excited for the day, but also sad because I would not be able to physically celebrate with A. To be honest, I was a little more anxious then I was excited. 

Last year for his birthday, everything went to shit. We were of course separated by thousands of miles. But, besides that, something in him had changed. From my POV and from his explanation (way later) he lost sight of us, of me and our future. Some sort of immature rush came through him and he completely blew us off, he ignored my attempts to communicate with him, and I was crushed. 

So naturally, this year for his birthday I was worried, to say the least. We ended up bickering all day. Most of it was due to the tension over what could possibly happen again this year. We stopped talking and I was hurt, cue the red, white and blue. I went swimming and drank a margarita. I pretended I was okay, but I wasn't.

So, currently I am trying to work past my anxieties over past hurts. Currently I am trying to believe him when he says he wants this. Currently, we are making the most our of our convos (except for Friday). Currently we are counting down the days till we see each other again. Currently, he is hoping the orders come in sooner than expected. Currently, this is where we are.